The Good News About Personal Contact

There is More Good News in the World Than Bad

It was a beautiful sunny September day and Arturo was strolling through the park savouring the warm clear air and watching the turning leaves, the multi-coloured flowers and small groups of people enjoying the ambience of the surroundings.

Walking towards him was a man about his age. As they passed Arturo did a double take. I know that person, he thought. He stopped, so did the other person.

“I know you,” said Arturo. “I know you too,” replied the other person. “I am Arturo Graton,” responded Arturo, “I am Sam Minelli,” said the man. There was a pause, then simultaneously they both said “Basketball …Western 1982.” They smiled and shook hands. “What have you been up to?” asked Sam. “Are you still playing basketball? I recall you had a great jump shot.” “No, the last time I played basketball was many years ago, just before our son was born,” said Arturo

Continuing Arturo outlined the past 40 plus years of his life, including mentioning that he and his wife Lisa had just moved to the area to be close to their daughter, her partner and their grandchildren. “How about you?” asked Arturo. “We have lived here the last 25 years. I retired in 2021,” said Sam. Since he sensed there was much to talk about, Sam asked, “Why don’t we get a take out cup of coffee, sit on a bench close to the water and chat some more?” Arturo was enjoying not only the discussion, but he had received an immediate uplift by reconnecting with someone he knew. He replied, “Great idea!”

As the conversation progressed Arturo said, “We love being close to our family but know very few people here and are really missing the one on one contact with people.” Sam said, “I miss that too.” He went on, “Covid forced us to stay home. After a year, working from home the company offered us a retirement package and I said, Yes!“ 

“I have missed going to the office, and hustle and bustle of downtown. I also had my knee replaced a year after I retired. It has not completely healed, which has caused me to feel like not going out very much. I am on a few committees which included some face to face meetings and some on Zoom but sometimes getting myself to go out is hard work.”

He continued “I sadly miss my friends from work and the social engagement my job brought, plus our children have all moved away.” He added, “Though I do meet with a group of guys every Friday and just chat about anything and everything. There are about 12 of us.. Every week we have a turn out of about 6-8 people. Why don’t you join us this Friday?”

“I’d like that,” said Arturo. “O.k. I will pick you up at 8:15am next Friday. What’s your address, email and phone number?…Why, you live only a few blocks from our place,” said Sam. They parted company and went their separate ways, both feeling uplifted having reconnected with a former acquaintance

As agreed, Sam picked up Arturo at 8:15am and met the others at 8:30am.  

Sam introduced Arturo, mentioning that he and his wife Lisa had just moved to the area and were just starting to meet new people. “Welcome!” they all said.

“I remember when we first moved here,” said Elmer, one of the guys. “We also moved to be closer to our family. In our former community we were active in everything, so when we moved here we decided to become involved in this community by joining the Lions Club. This led us to become involved at the local youth centre, which in turn led us to meeting people with similar interests. My best pals are all sailors and we sail together once a week. In the winter we often take a trip to the islands together to sail. Our partners come too. Quite frankly, we would be in trouble if we did not have regular personal social contact”. 

He went on and added “The importance of personal contact is not just an adult thing. We just saw an interview between CNN journalist Fareed Zakaria and Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist who has written a New York Times best selling book called, ‘The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.’ The book is about a shift from a play-based childhood to a phone based childhood. Instead of connecting with others the phone takes their place, leaving children lacking in social development.”

“My wife and I are basket cases without personal relationships,” said Tonkin. He too  had seen the interview. According to Haidt, the average American teenager is online 6-8 hours/day. Some profess to being on all day. What they read and do online has an immense impact on their lives. Girls in particular are greatly affected, often leading to many mental health issues.

“Many adults are addicted too,” Tonkin went on. “We have lived here all of our lives and went to school with many of our friends, our children played together, we coached teams together. As much as we love our long term friends though, it is always nice to meet new people. Perhaps you and Liz can join us for dinner? We will invite a few people over to meet you.“

Sam, who had been spending more and more time at home on his phone, perked up when he heard mention of the Lions Club. He had been a member many years before, but had to drop out due to work pressures. I should rejoin, he thought. This will give me motivation to get out and become re engaged in the community.

“I connect with people at the golf club,” said Harvey. “I get exercise and the 19^th hole is filled with lots of fun kibbitzing and conversation, as well as lies about the almost par we made on the 4^th hole.“ “My wife,” he said, “is the most social person in town. She speaks to everyone she passes on the street, volunteers for everything that comes her way, and plays bridge at least once a week. I will have her call your wife.“

“Our family is very involved in an inter-faith group,” volunteered Mohammed. “We get together once a week and whenever there is a special religious holiday we celebrate that with the others. This includes listening to music from other cultures. We have learned a lot and made many new friends from very different backgrounds. We have also become more tolerant and discovered racism and conflict is in many ways because of lack of knowledge and  understanding about other people.”

Sam and his wife were very musical and remembered how before Covid they used to sing a lot. “We should get back to our music interests. We loved to sing.” He had just heard about a group looking for barber shop singers. “I must find out about that,” he mused. 

Simon, who had been listening quietly, spoke up, “I was in the same situation as Sam. Just retired, bored, some health issues, and seeing very few people. My wife’s mother was starting to suffer from dementia and had been living by herself for a long time. One day we read a report from the Harvard Medical School stating that staying active, getting quality sleep and fostering social connections can slow cognitive decline. We went out and bought a dog which we shared with her mother. When she died we took it full time. The dog pulled me out of my own doldrums. In fact we now have 3 dogs! I know every dog and dog walker in the area. They get me out of bed in the morning. In fact, we see the owners everywhere and have become good acquaintances.”  

“I am also a member of a book club,” shared Fred, the unofficial organizer of the group, and the only one who had not yet spoken. “We have all become good friends, partners too. Our discussions cover the waterfront, from sports, to news, to views and values, to small talk, to how everyone is feeling.” Fred then asked Arturo if he would like to join them every week.

Arturo, already inspired with some great ideas, agreed immediately. He knew Lisa would be  happy to get him out of the house. 

The coffee was finished, and so was the discussion, … that is, until next week.

Till next time, 

Chris Snyder ,Climate Optimist

Email: snyderchris74@gmail.com
Stories of Good News and Hope: https://chrissnyder.makeanimpact.ca